Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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