There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was born a porn star she said
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
