Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
