so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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