She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
