Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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