He is such a slut. More and more my type.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
