fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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