dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
