You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
