i don't like sucking hair
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
ttyl tear gas
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
