I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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