it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
