dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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