i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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