What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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