im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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