you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize