Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
