Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
