Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
