You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
