In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
