I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
