thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
