Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
