I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
