if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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