WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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