I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
