You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
