Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
