In the future we'll all be gay
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
