Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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