the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
