Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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