I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
