if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
