I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
