I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
why is half of my head shaved?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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