eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
