so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
