Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
