I heard we made out
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
