Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
