does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
please don't ironically join a cult
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