I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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