ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
