Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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