think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need moral support for this bender
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize