Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
