So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
