I accidentally had phone sex last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
