Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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