Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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