Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
