There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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