so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
