that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
