No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize