The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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