I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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