I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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