I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
