she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize