does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
